Dear Fat Hitler,
From the moment you walked in
To this fine Asian establishment
Your robust white wife decided that
My equally robust caramel aunt
Deserved the strange look she gave her
As the pair of you sat at
The table you were entitled to
Right next to ours.
It was a square meant for four
But when you sat down next to
The circular woman with
Enough chins to feed a soup kitchen
I was convinced you would need a table more.
I don’t know who those people were,
That round man and that spherical woman who came,
But you honestly should’ve requested another
Table be attached
Because, let’s be honest,
You couldn’t all fit there.

Dear Fat Hitler,
I wouldn’t have had a problem with you
If you’d become an artist
Instead of a White Supremist;
If you’d become more accepting
Rather than limiting;
If you hadn’t said that
Puerto Ricans are the “Real Problem”
As my aunt left to the bathroom.
If I remember the Genocide class
I was only released from
Oh, about three or so hours ago,
Than I can tell you with assurance that
Nazi Hitler – remember him? –
Said the same of the Jews
Before he answered the “Jewish Question”
By implementing the Final Solution.
I hate you because you are
As stupid as you are fat
And because only the
Latter should be socially acceptable.
The only remorse you showed,
As I whispered what you said to
My mom and aunt when she came back,
Was by saying that
The Mexicans are just as bad.

Dear Fat Hitler,
I’m not sorry that we
Ruined your Nazi wife’s birthday
By laughing the way lions roar
Because of your stupidity
As we made our cantankerous
Puerto Rican comments
Just so you could hear
And maybe, just maybe, realize
What you were saying was
As supercilious as it was pretentious,
And as ignorant was it was racist.
You didn’t even look at us
So I settled for sneering at your
Wife whenever she passed those
Strange looks she thought we deserved.

Dear Fat Hitler,
Did you hear us as we sang
While your wife was brought her cake?
The way we ended off the tune
With a nice loud shout of
“Happy Birthday!
From the Puerto Ricans!”
Be glad that our only actions
Were passive aggressive because
If I’d stood up and
Called you out for being the racist that you were
The way my mind envisioned I should
And the way the knot in
My stomach demanded I ought to
One of us would’ve been
Escorted right the way out
To the parking lot at the side of the road.

Dear Fat Hitler,
I hope you run for office
So that we can see if
People would vote you in;
So we could know what
Percentage of the population is
Still living in the 40s
Without having realized it;
And so we could see if
Racism is a factor of
Time or place;
Nurture or human nature.

Dear Fat Hitler,
I’ve exaggerated your weight
Because you’ve exacerbated my race
And made the food I ate
In that Asian restaurant
Taste like the vomit my aunt threw up
At two am that night.