I have not forgotten.
I cannot forget your warm hand in mine
Your soft fingertips tracing my cheek
The way you pulled me in close and just smiled and stared, so gently
Those tender whispers meant only for me
When I laughed, and you laughed harder
Radiating pure delight
I will remember the freedom, the fervor in your voice
As we talked endlessly about anything, everything, nothing
I had memorized the feeling of your lips on mine
Not a jolt of electricity, a deafening firework, a sudden spark
But a warm glow of light
Flowing through my body and yours
You were the summer
The moments of pure passion
Twirling underneath cascading water as the cool grass tickled my feet
Tilting my head up to the sky and breathing in wonder
Teasing my senses with fiery feelings and thoughts beyond my imagination
I will not forget your frenzy of excitement, talking and laughing
Everywhere and anywhere, exploding with energy
But then you stopped
Taking a soft breath
Pulling me into you, your warmth, your inner refuge of love
I still recall the night that you were my hero
That simple action, that innocent phrase
That I said back
More quietly than I wanted to
And when you kissed me, I wanted to kiss you harder
And when you danced with me, I wanted to dance faster
And when you held me in your arms, I wanted to feel your heartbeat against mine
For longer than I could
I would
I should.
But I have not yet learned what I could do
Life is not about what we would do
Love cannot be about what we should do.
And though it is dangerous to dwell on the past
The present is far too tangible
And the future too vast.
When the thoughts cannot be understood
And the abstract becomes a frightening device
We can strip away the words that mean too much
The words that mean nothing at all
And catch something raw, undefined, pure, vibrant, profound
Plunge into a whirlwind of shadowy consciousness
At the same time obscure and blinding
Hold tightly, spellbound by love
Then
Let go.
There is a certain emptiness in freedom I don’t know how to explain.