Its starting to scare me how easily people forget you. Your gone for a little bit and when you go back those people that once friends just walk past you not even giving you a second look. It hurts. You thought you guys were friends, good friends but they forget. I wish I could forget. But all I can do is remember. Sulk in the forgottenness. It makes you feel unimportant. Like you meant nothing to them, you were just there. Your only purpose was to be there. You know just incase one of their main friends wasn't there, you are wanted until that person returns then you are thrown back in the corner until someone else steps away. You aren't needed. You exist only to be a replacement. I hate it. I don't want to be a replacement any more. I wanna be remembered. Not as her. As Samantha, as me. I don't want to be a replacement, I don't want anyone to be a replacement. I don't want anyone to be a temporary fix. Everyone should be remembered, not as him or her, as you, by your name. Not temporary. Everyone want to be accepted. You can act like you don't give a damn about anything or anyone, but lets be honest. You want to be needed, wanted, and accepted. You want to be important. Everyone does. They can act like the don't care but you know they do. No one needs to change to impress or be who they think they “want” to be. Just be you. Thats how you can be remembered. I thought I was being me but i was being who i thought i “wanted” to be, and eventually it happened. It sucks, because i miss who i was i want to be her again being this sucks. I don't want to be this. I don't want this. I acted like this until i wasn't acting anymore i became her. I became the opposite of who i am. I let my depressed 10 year old me decide who i was going to be. I wanted to be emo. I wanted to look like that. Wear dark clothes, dye my hair unnatural colors, get piercing, wear dark makeup. I wanted to cut. I wanted to try and kill myself. I wanted to do drugs and drink. I wanted to be in my 10 year old mind “cool” i guess. Wrong Samantha! Wrong! I thought if I do all that and look like that would be “cool” hence have friends. And I look that way and do those stupid stupid things. Thanks to myself I have been in a mental hospital, see a therapist 2 times a week, i'm on pills for my depression and anxiety, have one friend that i have had since I was 7, did not graduate middle school, have been to the emergency room 4 times from trying to kill myself. I now hate myself. I know you don't want to hate yourself. If you think you want to, think again. I was a stupid kid and I still am, but at least I can see where I went wrong. I tried to change myself to be wanted and accepted and hopefully remembered. Sadly I want wanted, accepted, or remembered. I practically ruined my life only to be remembered. I didn't want to be forgotten I did everything I thought you should do to be remembered. I was completely wrong. Now think are you making a wrong choice or have you already. Try to fix it. Please. And think it through before. Thinking is a very good first step.