If you looked through the clear glass
And billowing curtains you’d see
My tears sliding down the window
In glistening sheets of raindrops
My raw, beating heart in all its glory
Still holding on after losing so much

Half of my family gone in an instant
Showing me who they really loved
Leaving me to pick up the pieces
Strewn around me after my
Whole world blew up right in front of my eyes

Red- rimmed eyes and a scraggly beard
An open mouthed gaze, forever numb
Building up an invisible wall
With every jab towards my confidence
Stabbing me without saying anything at all

So why do I have to pay for your mistakes?
Growing up without a father
Another notch on the kitchen door
Another year older, monumental transformations

How could you see a picture of me
Your first daughter and not want to love me?
Not give up everything to see me grow up?
But by the time you sober up long
Enough to notice the mess you made of
Me so long ago, I’ll have flown away
Far from this small town with it’s lingering
Fog of memories that follow me everywhere I go
Making me wish that I could
Erase you and the pain that you
Brought along with you

I used to see the light inside of
Your eyes, now all I see is nothingness
You’re broken beyond repair, weaving
In and out of consciousness and off the road
Never ceasing to disappoint me once again

You were lost at the bottom of a bottle
Spiraling downwards, frantic eyes searching,
Heart aching only to realize that the person I
Used to adore was gone forever
Replaced by a stranger in a white tee
Soaked with orange soda, lost to the world

The window starts to crack sending shivers
The curtains spread revealing the most
Sensitive part of me... exposed
The panes explode breaking into thousands
Of shards that land in my heart
Embedded, forever saved, an imprint of you in me
Paralyzing me from opening those curtains
For anyone ever again

But I’m showing a little sliver of myself
To anyone who dares to look deep inside
Under my skin there are blinding memories
Bottles strewn around, the creviced lines of
Your face, the silence of a courtroom and
The gazes all on me as I told the world
About the memories that haunt me
Every single day of my life

I’ve been stabbed with words
Bleeding out but no one could see
Hidden underneath my smile
I never knew how strong and brave
I was until a deep, throbbing pain
Coursed throughout my entire body
The rusty remains of the window

Creaking shut locking me inside
Crying for help but I only got silence

I’m shedding my skin today
Opening the window in my heart to outsiders
And giving a glimpse into my life
Leaving a part of me behind
That I thought I couldn’t live without…you