Conversation started September 11, 2012

Can I ensnare him into my broken heart?
This anticipation is real; I will butter him up with his own imperfection.
“Oh no... Hopefully only good things were said!”
“Yes, only good things about your many musical talents!”
“D'awhh... Shucks. I'm only average.”
“Well I am going based soley off of opinions. I have never heard you personally but others seem to think you are above average. I think I know whose opinion to take because only a musician who is good would not admit it.”
“I have this thing where anything I do, I try not to let anybody be better than me at it. Its really a good way to make yourself better at stuff since there's always gonna be somebody somewhere better than you.”
9/11/2012, 10:56pm
“Hehe, I like you”
And I am in, quickly as that. I’d be a fool to love someone so gullible.
I use you to find peace in myself.
Who falls in love with the rebound anyways?

Endless nights of phone calls and getting to knows.
You are my lady boy, mister. How can you be so dumb to love?
Someone as lost as I? Do I blind you?
“Aerith’s Song” bellows through the high’s of his happiness.
I play his soul like the very piano my soul is devout to.
He’s ready to put a title on us. I can call myself successful.

He grows an introverted sense of jealousy towards my past.
He claims that he will never let me fall into who I once was
And I think to myself “But how can you save someone who
Has already reached the depths of hell?”
I assume it’s time to introduce him to the family.
“You better watch him. He looks like a slick one.”
Family always has something to say.
I find myself smiling in his presence. I can’t let myself fall for the rebound.
No one falls for the rebound.

I fall into his passionate kisses, his dark mysterious eyes
Leave me wanting more. The walls of my heart begin to
Slowly collapse. The seasons are changing as is my heart.
I have fallen for the rebound.

November
“I’m scared and nervous; I don’t know what to do…”
Its natural, baby, just let your body work.
I lie on the cold ground, anticipating each second.
I close my eyes and lust ensnarls my mind.
Perhaps this boy loved me.
He held me close, staring back into his deep
Blue eyes, I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him.
“I love you,” murmured between each broken kiss.
I do not think. I do not.
I cry. Tears envelop my eyes.
If he loves me now, he will love another.
“Happy tears,” I tell him.
We lie against the cold moon together. Ecstasy our foe,
We hold each other until it’s time to go.

Happiness ensnares us both. God have you blessed me
Into believing there is such thing as you and love.
He settles my uneasiness with a ring.
“I want to spend my life with you.”
My habits are broken and demons exorcised.
My life has begun.

My life revolves around him and he isn’t feeding
The fire that once burned: I think his love is in embers.
I am his door mat.

I deliberately crash his trust.
“How do you expect me to be with you? I can’t even trust you. I’m done.”
One pill, two pills, three pills… Nine pills, ten pills, eleven pills.
His calls forwarded to voicemail.
Awoken by the sound of his agonizing voice over my lifeless body
That is infusing little hope.
He holds me, “Baby, everything’s alright. You are mine.”

Fighting, all of it so pointless. Its summertime, baby, give it a break.
I just want to make sweet love and music.
Can’t we see each other today? You are ignoring me and pushing
Me away like it’s nothing.
Baby, I need you. Don’t give up on me just yet.

“I need to tell you something… I didn’t go home last night… I was out with another girl…”
But, you promised me forever and a lifetime. What do you mean?
You are my lady boy… Or am I the lost soul?
I fell for the rebound. What has become of us, of me?
I feel myself sinking, sinking slowly, six feet under.

One shot, two shots, three shots… Nine shots, ten shots, eleven shots…
The Hennessey warms my body the way you used to.

Now “Aerith’s Song” bellows through the low’s of my depression.
You are gone, and I am nothing.
But that’s okay, because you are happy.

“I wish to cry. Yet, I laugh, and my lipstick leaves a red stain like a
Bloody crescent moon on the top of the beer can.”
Sylvia Plath now my only friend.

I am karma’s fine example.