It was a beautiful day
cool brisk aor
the wind occasionally lapping at my skin
breeze flowing through my hair
leaves tango with the wind's soft tune
all was good
until I stepped into that prison
four walls capturing me
holding me their prisoner for seven hours
disgust and hatred spew venom at me
throught the day
I've learned not to hid
hiding only makes it worse
turtles have to come out of their shells sometimes
the bell rings and I'm rushing out
careful not to push
because lions push back full force
outside is fresh air
but I'm not allowed to enjoy it
I'm only allowed to enjoy the cool cemet
as it scratches my cheek
and creates a raw patch of skin
papers fly with the wind
and I slowly get up
steadying my weak legs beneath me
looking at the three of them timidly
they bare their teeth
curling fists into mini bullets
for the attempt to knock the air out of me
the rest surround
no use in crying
a fish never wins against a shark
its the same six fists that knock me over
same rocks and sticks thrown
same kicks to my back and stomach
same cool brisk air
that cool the burning sensation
same heartache that reaches to my eyes
threatening to spill over
eventually the same wet stains on the cement
what's different
is knowing I won't take it anymore
my beating is over
they're done for good
no sympathy in faces
no tear streaked faces but mine
but not for too long
my mind is made
my heart doesn't ache
they don't care
they never did
so who cares what I'm about to do
my fingers tremble as I reach for the case
goosebumps form when I touch the cold steel
the lock on my heart bursts open as it pumps faster
thudding harder causing physical pain
but not for too long
as my heart slows
as the steel becomes warm from my nervous palms
the two rush in
and the screaming begins
snatching it away from my shaking hands
my mind is numb
my heart is numb
my eyes are blank showing no emotion
they don't care
why should I
its been happening for years
I'm tired
I'm tired
I snatch it back and run to the bathroom
there's no thinking when I lock the door
they'll learn to accept this
my heart starts to race
because I've accepted that this is my fate
my palms are sweaty
throat closed off
pain flows through my body
memories bombard my essence
and this is the cliché ending
seeing my life flash before my eyes
my heart consticts in my chest
as I put the gun to my head
I press the trigger
empty...
no thoughts
no stupid bullies
no emotions
I breifly hear a scream
before I'm forever put to sleep
like a butterfly spreading its wings
that first intake of fresh air after being locked away forever
or maybe even sunlight after a dreary Monday
relief becomes my personal rainbow
because the sun always shines after a terrible day.