I’ve always known I fixate.
I’ve always been aware that I have to double, triple check things
Touch the doorknob 3 times before I go to bed
Make sure I’m looking at me in the mirror when I pass. (it’s me, right??)
Make sure the light switch is ALL THE WAY OFF
But I’m not crazy, no.

When I’m listening to music with a device, look at the seconds being counted down at all my favorite numbers (and even the ones that aren’t)
Say “I love you” before “Goodnight” and then softly, “I love you” (only I can hear the last one)
Look at myself in the little mirror that’s attached to the visor-light-shield-thing in the front seat of the car.
Hey, I’m just being secure. Nothing more.

But what would happen if I didn’t do those things?
Oh, jeez, I don’t even want to think about that.
What would happen??
I’m not crazy. I don’t even think anyone has noticed yet.
But I’m not ready to face the consequences of forcing myself to be…normal.