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Ships in the Night
June 11, 2013
Love is a sensation
I've never truly known
In the thickest crowds
I can still feel so alone
I don't know why
This feeling eludes me
And others, knowing this,
Will try to abuse me
An empty wallet
And an emptier heart
Is all I'm left with
When they've torn me apart
With a life like this
I wonder how I survive
But it's because of one girl
The one who makes me feel alive
I met her by chance
On a cold Tuesday
We still stand by each other
To this very day
But we've never held hands
Or shared a tender kiss
How could I ask for that
When she's helped me through all of this?
Every night alone
And every tear cried
She's been with me
To stand by my side
There's something I must tell you
Before I must go
A truth you should remember
About this girl I know
She isn't real.
She never was.
But at the same time,
She's anyone.
She's any girl
Who shares their time
With a lonely guy
Who will say "she's mine."
She's out there somewhere
This much I know
So tonight I'll tell myself
To keep my hope close
She could be anyone
This much is true
My closest friend
Maybe even you
But if you believe
As I do too
That there's someone out there
Someone just for you
Always treasure your memories
Every minute at their side
Every moment has a value
And only you can know the price
But don't let yourself forget,
You must keep your hope alive
Or else your dream can fade
Like a ship into the night
© Steve S., Marblehead, MA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 19 comments.
AllSoPlayfulWhenYouDemonize BRONZE said...
on Apr. 19 2015 at 1:48 pm
Your work is lovely! Keep it up, darling.
sophistryxo SILVER said...
on Jul. 17 2013 at 1:44 pm
I love the rhythm of this poem!
LittleMissLostInParadise GOLD said...
on Jul. 16 2013 at 4:36 pm
I love this! You should be proud of yourself, and know you serve as an inspiration!
Myvoice4change SILVER said...
on Jul. 10 2013 at 6:26 pm
I really enjoyed the rhyme scheme and rhythm to this. You also did a good job with bringing out emotion. Its a sad but beautiful poem.
TheCapturedBat GOLD said...
on Jun. 29 2013 at 5:46 pm
I could relate to this immediately. It may be somber, but it's also reassuring.
Don't worry that your poems are dark. We all love dark poems. THIS IS FABULOUS. And I don't like using that word normally. The rhyme and rhythm is just perfection. And the theme—so relatable. I've been at this moment in my life. Yet, I haven't met the person that's supposed to be "mine and I his/her"...either way. I love the metaphor of this ship. And the title is so original and lovely. Everthing about this poem—its mood, the imagery, the wording—is perfect. And welcome to the site; or as I call it our dysfunctional and xrazy family. Keep writing. Don't quit. You have talent. Keep working at it. And please, lemme know when you want me to read and comment on your work. I'd love to.
This is truly heart-bursting! Its very relatable and flooding with power and hopeful words. The rythym was exquisite and imagery fantastic! The title extremely original and completely attention-grabbing. I was practically glued to the page! What an amazing concept. Wonderfully written and wonderfully talented. The way the narrator never gives up and advises the reader to keep going no matter how stagnant their life may be is undeniabley elegant. Keep up the stunning work! :)
IndigoElisabeth SILVER said...
on Jun. 18 2013 at 10:03 am
This piece is so sweet. I think it's quite good, and I like the rhyme you have. I think it works well with this type of poem...it's about hope, and the rhyme is a slow, constant beat in the background--maybe the sadness/yearning/monotony the narrator is trying to escape from. That being said, I think you should make the last line not rhyme, so it stands out, as hope. You know what I mean? Also, work in the ships in the night metaphor before the conclusion. Other than that, good job!
starbucksandbrighteyes GOLD said...
on Jun. 18 2013 at 8:36 am
I love the rhythym and the metaphors. You also use many great poetic devices, such as when you write "an empty wallet, and an emptier heart". However, I feel like the rhyme scheme makes it seem somewhat childish, (although it does create a certain rhythym and flow) so maybe you could change that up, bc rhyming love poems are quite cliche. So...be careful. That said, it is a lovely piece.
GraphicWriter DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 14 2013 at 11:47 pm
I clicked on this to read because the title reminded me of Mat Kearney's song, ships in the night. This is beautiful. It's like you're reaching for a direction that goes no where and yet it goes everywhere as well. This was very relatable and cool! I loved the rhyming, it set a steady pace to go with and it was almost like a beat. The words roll off and collide with each other in a beautiful way. This is lovely.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jun. 13 2013 at 4:13 pm
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I love this! I especially like the rhyming and the metaphor at the end. Excellent job! :D
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 12 2013 at 5:16 pm
Great Job!! I think though this is about not haveing that person near you, it displays hope. And wonderful metaphors i am a real sucker for those. You rocked the wallet and heart one, great job! And also WELCOME TO TEENINK! To start you off i will introduce myself. I am Liv and its a pleasure to have your brilliant work on the site. Wonderful job and i can't wait to read more also could you take a look at some of my other work?? Thanks and keep rockin!
ZeroDarkFlirty BRONZE said...
on Jun. 12 2013 at 4:54 pm
Actually, Lex, I have heard of the song, and both the idiom (two ships passing in the night) and the song's title inspired this work. It's been my favorite song for a while now, and it's good to know I'm not the only person who's heard of Mat Kearney :) Thanks for the review!
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 12 2013 at 1:15 am
Hey there! So, after seeing your title, I immediately thought of the song by Mat Kearney! Have you heard it? Anyways, I love the title, the picture, and the beautiful poem. They all go together very well! Your rhymes are wonderful, the flow was super nice. I love the feeling of it, it's sorrowful hope! It's hope with a touch of sadness. I really enjoyed it. I think you did a great job with this and I am excited to read more work by you! I hope you find your someone! And thank you very much for the lovely comments you left me, I really appreciate it, and if you ever need help with writing or anything, I'd love to help.. or if you just want some feedback, I'd love to leave some. Welcome to TeenInk!
. said...
on Jun. 12 2013 at 12:35 am
Okay, Teen Ink is being weird on me. My username is crayola_green and should be showing up, but just so you know I will be looking forward to reading more of your work in the future!
. said...
on Jun. 12 2013 at 12:31 am
When I first saw the title, I thought of that idiom about two ships in the night that pass by without ever knowing about the other's existence. In a way, it ties to your poem and you brought the ideas together well. I've seen this idea in writing before, but I enjoyed the way you told it. The story within the poem was interesting to me, and I look forward to more of your work!
ZeroDarkFlirty BRONZE said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 9:54 pm
@ Wren: Hey, just wanted to thank you for the review! It was very insightful and very revealing about what I actually need to work on as a writer. Don't worry about the criticism, though; believe me, the work was rushed (I wrote it in my spare time after my high school exit exam) and I believe I could add additional length and detail to it, as I have in some other works of mine. That said, I will be glad to post a lengthier, more detailed work for your reading pleasure in the coming days (whenever I can develop one and get it posted) and I look forward to seeing you around here! Thanks again!
WrenArrington said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 9:31 pm
I like how you added the twist of the girl not being real. These kinds of poems tend to be more than a little bit overused, so any time someone can put something extra in it, it really makes his/her work stand out. While I liked the subject matter, I felt that thelines and the stanzas were too short. The rhythm felt choppy, the rhymes a little forced. Though simplicity can certainly be a good thing, I think you could improve this by adding more descriptive words--really make the emotion behind it come alive for the readers, as well as evoking images in their heads while they read your words. Maybe you could add more about the "ship in the night" aspect; that way the title would make more sense and tie in more with the poem, rather than just having that last line referring back to the title. Wow, that seems like so much criticism, even for me! But I can assure you I will definitely be stalking your page for more work, so keep writing!
