Tide of Sorrow | TeenInk

Tide of Sorrow

June 4, 2013
By Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
54 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
I used to think falling in love would be personal. But it's all a big public show.


As on a twig I perched
Immersed in thought; suddenly a screech
From the depths of some misery untold
Burst out, shattering the quiet
I took to flight, frightened awhile
Something dreadful happened again
Down in the land where men lived
Shamming beggars, knowing not how to live
My son, he sat on a wooden wall
Laughed aloud with reckless fey
And said, “Why worry you, for they
“Live and die everyday”
Heeded I his words and bobbed
My head towards the crimson rock
Where blood lay spilled, like a gushing stream
Ah! They surely knew not!



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This article has 5 comments.


on Jun. 23 2013 at 5:14 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1143 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Ah, now that you tell of the perspective, it makes everything so much clearer and the sense in which you intended for it to be, I can see that now. It truly is an inspiring poem. Truly. NEVER STOP WRITING.

Dynamo DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 22 2013 at 11:06 am
Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
54 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
I used to think falling in love would be personal. But it's all a big public show.

Thanks! :)

Dynamo DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 21 2013 at 1:33 pm
Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
54 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
I used to think falling in love would be personal. But it's all a big public show.

Thanks! Actually it's written from the perspective of a robbin (yeah, a bird's eyeview. Literally :D) who sees the world of humans as a place where the most evolved beings spend hours fighting over trifling matters. Thanks again for the input! 

on Jun. 21 2013 at 8:45 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1143 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

This poem has much more depth than is at first perceivable, that I can see. To me this lament, this tide of sorrow is like a trance, like a dream. I felt like this was some vivid image that kept transforming with every line. I like your imagery. A LOT.  The end confused me slightly I must admit... Those two rhyming lines was a great strategy to make them stand out. Overall, Bravo! Amazing vocabulary and I want to read more :D

EpIc BoSs said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 10:01 am
awsome poem