Can You Save Me? | Teen Ink

Can You Save Me?

May 10, 2013
By Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski


Stay still.
Do you hear that?
Leave me to my own devices,
my own unholy
whims.
If you take one more step
towards me,
it might mean the end for us both.
I cannot take this
tension,
this divine, unnatural
connection.
Don’t trust me, as I burn against you,
taught to hate you
and you I.
Stay still, do not your lips dare open,
and wait for my choice.
I do not know what I mean
by this,
is this rebellion or my initial calling?
Whatever it ends up being,
I know one thing,
that anything I do, any path I take,
is of darkness.
Unable to change, unable to see
anything more
and you know this as well as I,
so tell me,
can you save me still?



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This article has 13 comments.


on May. 28 2013 at 1:17 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1143 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Oh...Thanks!

on May. 27 2013 at 7:35 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

I wanted the title to convey more hope than the actual poem. And thanks for your feedback!!

on May. 25 2013 at 6:54 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1143 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

This is so different from other stuff of yours I've read. So strikingly different... Still I guess I saw a new hue. A new shade. Beautifully writing as if artfully carved in. I love how you end with "Can you Still Save Me? " Though I wanted to ask...Why didn't you put "still" in the title??

on May. 19 2013 at 7:55 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

Lol you really don't owe me anything, I love reading your work! If you want to read some of my newest work, it's up to you; please don't feel obligated. ^_^ Anyways, have a great evening!

GreyGirl ELITE said...
on May. 18 2013 at 8:07 pm
GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
170 articles 122 photos 392 comments
Loved it! Glad you got an Editor's Choice because you deserved it! Beautiful imagery! I love your tone. You captured your emotions beautifully. Well done!

on May. 18 2013 at 10:27 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Thanks for commenting on so many of my poems! At this point, could you leave the names of works you'd like critiqued? I feel like I owe ya bug time!! XD

. said...
on May. 17 2013 at 7:57 pm
This is very good, you are a really talented writer.

on May. 17 2013 at 3:34 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

Yet again, your work is worthy of Editor's Choice! XD Great job with word choice! I like the line "Leave me to my own devices, my own unholy whims." :D Have a great day!

on May. 16 2013 at 6:36 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

thanks!!!!!!!!! :D

Mckay ELITE said...
on May. 16 2013 at 6:26 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I need to start reading more of your poetry then. 'Bout to get in trouble by my leader for not reading more. Haha. It is really good. Honestly. And yes, there's always hope. Where there's life, there's hope. AMEN, REV, CALLIE! ^u^

KatsK DIAMOND said...
on May. 16 2013 at 6:21 pm
KatsK DIAMOND, Saint Paul, Minnesota
57 articles 0 photos 303 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being inexhaustible, life and nature are a constant stimulus for a creative mind.
~Hans Hofmann
You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
~Ray Bradbury

This is really good. Jade/Callie, I love how you told a story and really expressed the emotions. Good job, chica.

on May. 16 2013 at 6:00 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

thanks so much, girlie!! :D and most of my poems are like this....xept they usually get better at the end. there's still an element of hope here tho :D

Mckay ELITE said...
on May. 16 2013 at 5:22 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

So raw and emotional. Not like that perky Callie I know. But I love it for that reason. I feel the plea of anguish. "Can you save me still?" #tearjerker It's like Romeo and Juliet. When you say I've been taught to hate you and you I. My favorite line is "is this rebellion or my initial calling". Great poem! 


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