When I hit the golf ball
The police get a call

When I swing the bat
The ump ends up on his back

When I throw the football
I get intercepted, and get mauled

When I put on the gloves and enter the ring
I get smeared on the mat, just waiting for the bell’s ding

When the lacrosse ball comes speeding at me
I duck, but to slow, it gets embedded in my knee

When I get passed the basketball, I shoot,
Grimace as it hits my teammate’s tooth

When a forward comes charging at me
I stand my ground and flick my foot out, skillfully
The soccer ball becomes dislodged from the player’s cradle
I take it up field and smile, this game is soup and I have the ladle