Do you recognize that feeling?
It churns, it burns, it yearns for healing.
It gnaws, it claws, it draws back, stealing,
All your urges to live, and you feel like squealing?
Or simply kneeling, and you find yourself sealing your fate away,
While you live a life so grey and bitter,
As if you're the one that didn't survive the litter?
As if you're merely a critter, that's been stepped on too many times?
As if you could wear that facade, that masquerade?
As if you could play that charade and cheer and elate like the others?
Those who are ecstatic, they're pragmatic, they're all things grand. And you…
You sit here, this enigmatic puzzle, this surviver of all things traumatic.
This melodramatic, monochromatic, this axiomatically miserable human being.
Living through a systematic routine, a dogmatic routine.
And it feels, it seems, like life is a repeating scene.
And you can't seem to get yourself up, make yourself clean, without a toxic dose of caffeine.
And for a moment you think it might be your genes, but you're the only one.
You're this lonely teen, and it hurts, and it's mean, and it's cruel.
And it pains you to go to school, where all things good, all things cool,
Are raised up on a stand like a precious jewel.
And because you're not, you feel like a fool, you feel like a tool.
Just a stepping stone for the others and you feel like groaning.
And it hurts to the bone, and you want nothing more than to dethrone the others.
And you want nothing more than to gut their mothers, to hurt their sisters,
To wound their fathers and brothers just to atone for your pain.
Just as penance for their sins, just as payment for their happy grins.
Just to make the playing field a bit more even.
Just some favor for this lone wolf, this heathen.
Just to help you survive this battlefield.
Just for once you don't have to yield.
Just this once you can wield a sword and shield.
Just one shred of confidence can go unconcealed.
But it all goes wrong, and you're worse than ever before, and it lasts all year long.
And it's feels lifelong, and you're listening to those sad songs, those ambient gongs.
And again you feel like you don't belong, you feel like you never did all along.
And you begin to wonder how long.
And you begin to count the days.
The days filled with horrible clichés.
And you want to set yourself ablaze instead of another today,
Another delay in your trip to the end.
And you think of all the ways to jump to the end.
A knife, a rope, hell even this pen.
And you pick one and you wait, and you resign.
You spend an eternity with the idea front and center in your mind.
And you have it all figured out, you write a note, and you finish the last line.
And you hide it in your drawer until you find the time.
And one day when it's especially hard to push away the thought in your mind,
You meet someone nice, someone kind, someone who changes your whole frame of mind.
And you forget about the rope, and you forget about the note, and you forget about the last line.
And you find yourself lost in the eyes,
And you find this new feeling you don't understand, it's undefined.
And you find yourself confused why no one calls this person "mine".
And you find yourself amused with every word, every sign.
And you tell yourself it's time.
You trash the rope and the note and the very last line,
And you move on with your life,
And with every opportunity to return, you decline.
You redesign the whole world around you,
And you begin to shine, and the past is over.
And you open a new chapter, and you can't wait, you're excited.
And that chapter is yours to find, so go out and discover your shine.