She looks around, sees around, hears around. She asks, what is all this?
Every day unwraps feelings that she doesn’t want to be tortured by.
Who am I, she asks. She is vulnerable, fragile, weak.
She struggles, in pain, in tears.
What is this world that I’m living in? Why can’t it be in my favor?
She wants to change; she tries, yet fails
She is brought to tears, tears of sorrow. What is wrong with me?
Happiness is just a thought. Little things bring her joy, yet she feels undeserving.
It’s a game. Guilt defeats joy. But why, is this wrong?
Perhaps she is happy for the wrong things.
She shops happily, but when others are in actual need of her extras….
What is this world which we live in?
She wonders, she prays, prays with all her might that everything goes right,
But it doesn’t. And she wonders, what is wrong with me? Who am I? Why am I like this?
Faith, she doesn’t know what she can do, what more to do, what is there to do.
The nights are spent, crying away. The days are spent, hoping away.
She is lonely, is hopeless, is miserable, is humiliated. If she was like that, she could be happy. If she was like her, she could be better. If she did what she did, she could be liked. But she is herself. And she thinks to herself, why do I feel like a nobody? People treat me like a nobody, why? Is it because I am?
Is there no one to talk to? Is there no one to care about me? Is there no one to hold my hand?
But she burrows her face in her hands. Please God, confirm my existence, I want to be praised through your eyes. Deserving of this, is not I, but I beg you.
She wonders what ‘now’ is going to do, where ‘later’ will take her, what her future holds for her.
She simply dreams to be a strong, independent, confident woman.
And for now, she keeps living, walking the paths, the hills, the valleys in front of her.