All systems go, on the starting line,
Holding my head up high,
I tend to veer a bit off course.
I promise myself I'll finish the race,
I'll get farther than I've ever gotten before.
But the darkness begins to cut loose,
And soon I find myself falling.
Holding on to less and less ground,
Until I decide to just let go altogether.
There's nothing I can do now,
The rain's gotten too harsh, the thunder's much too loud.
The bittersweet taste of fog fills my throat,
Tears pull at my eyes, I don't let go.
How I watch him from a distance,
Never speaking but always listening,
How much I know about his perfect face,
The way he walks with such poise and grace,
If perfection had a name,
It would definitely be his name.
If love had a meaning,
The meaning would be these feelings.
How can I hurt at such a young age?
They tell me,
It's not possible to be in love,
You're much too young to fall in love,
Why do you worry about love? You're only a child!
Would a child have these feelings?
Would a child cry herself to sleep over a boy,
A boy who may or may not be worth her time?
Would a child bare her soul to the world,
Telling everyone the reason why she hurts inside?
A child would not.
I am not a child.
And this race is getting darker and darker,
As I fall back further and further-
There are girls, more beautiful than I,
Women who are more desirable than I'll ever be,
Far, far ahead of me, almost to the finish line.
I'm no where near them, I never will be.
They say not to cry over you,
They say you don't deserve me.
When a person is hurting over someone they love,
That's the last thing they want to hear.
"He doesn't deserve your tears"
Why does it matter that he doesn't deserve them?
When in truth, even if he doesn't deserve them,
He's still getting them.
He's still pulling these tears out of my eyes,
On a lasso of indifference.
How could he not know?
How could he not care?
And my pain, my endless pain and suffering means nothing to him,
Because my feelings are irrelevant to someone so God-like.
And even I start to wonder if he is worth my time,
When I could be doing so many different things.
Even I begin to think about all that I am missing by being so melancholy.
I begin to pick up speed, holding fast to the handlebars in the air in front of me,
Kicking up dust.
Until finally, the day comes,
When I do cross the finish line, and cheer for my victory,
In triumph I cry once again.
I have lost him, I have lost him to others,
But my curse is lifted and I can begin once again.
Only those who have been through it,
Or have done this race, flown above the seams of reality,
Only those who have seen the silver lining of the tears shed over a special someone,
Only those who have seen the horrors listed above,
Only those will truly understand the terrible pain,
Of unrequited love.