Daddy used to sing and play his wooden guitar to me, his baby girl
And I would mock him in admiration
With mommy’s red lipstick all over my face
And long dresses drooping down my tiny body
Dancing and singing in front of a long mirror
I remember vividly
It didn’t start until the death of a sister
Then, a brother
And after that a mother…
Guilt and depression is what he felt and he drank it all away
Without noticing, he slowly destroyed his own family with a clear bottle in his hand
One drink…
Two drinks…
Five drinks…
Five bottles...
Little by little, inch by inch,
He drank his pain away
Mommy waiting in the car in front of the bar
I kept complaining… I just wanted to go home
Go home with Daddy and Mommy
My mother’s cries were unbearable
Every sob and every tear
They were all a dagger to my heart
Her cries echo in my head
I hate him
We hate him
He hates himself
Months and years went by
And the hate towards my father turned to pity
Because I saw his struggle
I saw his pain
Behind this happy drunk man was a hurt, emotionally beaten father
Even though I hated him
For some reason he was always my hero
Despite the fact that he drank his life away everyday
He always gave us what we needed and desired
Toys, money, food, a house…
What else can you ask from a hardworking father right?
Maybe I’m just making up excuses for my father
And maybe I’m just trying to bring the good in him back.
It will come back one day
He will once again be my role model, my inspiration
Again I will be his number one fan.
And again he will sing and play his wooden guitar to his baby girl of 18 years old.