I woke up from a dream
that gripped me in the darkness
and half-dead, full of panic and fury
I opened my eyes to encounter the same monsters
that I have fled every day
for all of my days
from this moment back
through the avenues of my dementia
to my birth.
But instead of allowing my heart
to fracture
into fragile new pieces
I steeled it
against the onslaught of my self doubt
and allowing my exhaustion to take me
once more
I closed my eyes
and fell asleep
unheedful of whether
the parts of myself I most feared
would crawl in bed with me again
and whisper in my ears
the same biting platitudes
that they have guarded me
since I first distinguished
between darkness and light.
When I woke again, I was alone
and there were no rimstain marks
on my sheets
from where my heart bled
as it broke once more.
And when I stepped on the floor
of my room
I was keenly aware
of the bright new day.