People who have everything don’t make questionable decisions
It’s people who have nothing, that do
Because if you have nothing
You have nothing
To lose.

I never wanted to be faced with the downpour of unfamiliar rain,
The foreign stench of trash bags piled higher than unpaid bills in my mothers kitchen,
The half sleepy, half clownish expression plastered on a boy I’d never met and,
The decision I’d never want to make.

The 11-year old me would be able to say “No” in a heartbeat
But the 17-year old me has seen the cruelties of the world and
Wouldn’t be able to give such an idealistic answer.

I would have loved to not do what I did.
The same way I would have loved to
Have two parents or
Passing grades or
A talent, any talent, or
A reason to smile about my future or
A friend to smile with.

But I don’t have any of those gifts.
What I do have is some weed and
If you were in my shoes,
You would have smoked it too.

But you won’t understand.
You’ll think less of me because you have no idea what’s it’s like to be a
Loser.