maybe next time
rushing home
I sit behind my door
pressing the full weight of my body
against the sturdy wood
to keep from shaking.

and then I hear it,
and feel it,
absorb the energy he exerts
with those three taps,
it buzzes through me like
electricity and
I’m wired.

each beat reverberates
through me and
I am
frozen.
doubts pile
like building blocks
and now there is
a wall of worry constructed
right before my eyes.

three more knocks.
as I move towards
the handle
my world whirls
so I stay put,
anchored
to where I am
to how I am
to who I am

waiting silently and
barely breathing
for what must be hours,
the wall shrinks away-
smaller now.
I manage enough strength
to overcome the crumbling barrier
and approach the handle.
creaking the door open
centimeters
at
a
time,
I see that
he’s running away.