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If only she had known
August 1, 2011
If only she had known
If only my little sister knew how tragic it would be without those floaties
If only she had known
We would walk and talk together
If only she had known
The big pool isn’t that cool without those floaties
If only she had known
I would be able to swim and play in the water without haunting memories
If only she had known
The big hole in my back yard is now a big hole of misery
If only she had known
I would be able to brush her hair and paint her nails
If only she had known
I wouldn’t have to stare at a cement stone with her name engraved in it
If only she had known
Her floaties wouldn't look so dumb
If only she had known
I would still have my little sister by my side
© Lindsey D., Marblehead, MA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 14 comments.
AmbiguousIngenuity said...
on Jun. 18 2012 at 12:04 am
I can appreciate repetition in the way that i feel is accents and strengthens the phrase being repeated, but i dont like the way the narrator focuses on the floaties when it was not the floaties that caused her sister to not survive. It was her own sister's attitude. I feel the focus was not completely solid. Also, assuming this is a fictitious event as you have not commented otherwise (which is absolutely fine, you are entitled to artistic interpretation and creative liscence), i believe the emotion of the piece was downplayed. The narrator sounds numb, in contrast to the vivid memories they possess. It's a great idea, but i feel these aspects were neglected.
Anon357293 said...
on Jun. 17 2012 at 11:48 pm
I know this girl in real life, this tragic event never took place. Her younger sister is still alive.
Love.Hate.Passion. said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 10:03 pm
It's got great emotion put into it , but the repetition is way overdone.
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 10:12 pm
I'm sorry for whomever this event happened. This is a good poem with emotion. I kinda like the repetition of the first line :)
thaniks guys for posting comments! i appreciate it but i think it is neccessary to say that this didnt happen to me almost but it didnt happen just came to my mind of something to write about. Usually that is what my poems are about, things that a really bad but dont actually happen to me.
ohmakemeover BRONZE said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 7:09 pm
Oh my God, I'm so sorry that this tragic event has happened to you. I'm glad you can take creativity from tragedy. This is a really heartfelt poem.
toriroxsoutloud BRONZE said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 5:03 pm
I really like this (: can you check out mine?
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