I gave everything.
All the love that I had, all the hope that I gave was to you.
I would hold you for hours and whisper my love to the beat of your heart.
Mine beat faster.
Some night I would squeeze you, just to make sure you were real.
And you were.
One instant you disappeared.
You ran from the memories, from the promises and from me
We held hands inter locking, perfect fills to the spaces between my fingers
I felt yours let go
Slipping away, I tried to hold tighter, made you fall faster
Evaporating from my life I screamed
Searching for you day and night I found you
But everything that you were was gone
Now replaced by new memories, new promises, and someone else to fulfill the spaces between your fingers
I screamed as life became a nightmare, as memories became dreams
Trying to always sleep
Taking pills to change me, to fix me, to kill me
Over dosing seems like the only way, while cutting myself to feel less pain
Distracting my mind from thoughts that lead me to tears
Because I’m the one cries
Pleading for death to take me alive
Numbing my body to slit open my wrist, dead because there’s less pain involved
One day I hope the monsters evolve
And kill the demons that made me insane
I am ashamed.