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War-paint

July 20, 2011
By DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
More by this author
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

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I made a war-paint today;
mashed berries and
Root
provided color while the
stone Ground in Fear.

Streaks on my chest and
thighs
that prove my strength
and turn blue as I struggle stop
me from thinking
too far ahead

She told me about the silly game
I was playing and
naturally,
I became afraid of that lacking.
She laughed and traced the paint
with a fingernail while whispering
that Fear doesn’t exist.

I fought with him
but he was as strong
or stronger than myself
and when I opened my eyes
I saw that his chest and his thighs
Reflected back at me my own War-paint;
and I cried
for the both of us.

© Rachel P., Wailuku, HI

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 36 comments.

RayBaytheDinosaur GOLD said...
on Oct. 18 2011 at 9:50 pm
RayBaytheDinosaur GOLD, Hampton, South Carolina
18 articles 17 photos 159 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

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This is beautiful! I'm not sure exactly what it's about but its really cool that you can take it the way you want, it really makes you think =)
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Sep. 8 2011 at 2:05 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

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Hmm that's an interesting interpretation! Correct? I won't say haha but thats a really nice thought. The poem is really open for it to mean to you what it means specifically to you. Thank you for the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Sep. 8 2011 at 2:03 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

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Why thank you very much!
Garnet77 PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 5 2011 at 7:41 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 577 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

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This was definitely a very interesting poem. I truly loved your play with imagery, and I'm glad it's so open to interpretation. Well done. 
Rayne GOLD said...
on Sep. 4 2011 at 9:49 pm
Rayne GOLD, Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin
17 articles 0 photos 46 comments
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I wasn't sure at first what this was about, but actually it reminds me of two boys fighting over a girl. Not sure if I'm right, but I love your creativity.
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 29 2011 at 2:42 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

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Haha, that's okay because my hope is that it means different things to different people. Thanks!
cowgirl4ever said...
on Aug. 28 2011 at 5:02 pm
I don't quite get what this poem is about, but I think the way you wrote it is interesting.You used some nice imagery, too.
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:51 am
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

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Thanks you!     
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD said...
on Aug. 22 2011 at 10:46 pm
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD, Kissimmee, Florida
16 articles 0 photos 98 comments
View profile

wow i have to admit that was pretty good ! awesome job :)

 

DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 11:43 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

View profile
Thank you!
ohheyyyelli SILVER said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 9:18 pm
ohheyyyelli SILVER, Woonsocket, Rhode Island
5 articles 3 photos 178 comments
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This is beautiful, and I actually didn't have a "flow" issue. The meaning and writing is brilliant.
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 11 2011 at 11:27 am
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

View profile
haha Thank you!
HannSawyer15 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 11 2011 at 10:28 am
HannSawyer15 BRONZE, North Brunswick, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I say... lets speak it. Lets fight it. Lets write it. There's nothing to hold on to if it's already gone."

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I could really care less about your "flow" lol isn't that why this is a freeverse? Lol anyway but I really liked this and I think you tied everything together beautifully in the end! Great job! :)
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 7 2011 at 10:40 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

View profile
wow! thank you! haha and thanks for the flow comment too ;)
consumedbygrace247 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 6 2011 at 10:53 pm
consumedbygrace247 BRONZE, Durham, North Carolina
4 articles 2 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Change the way people think, and things will never be the same." -Steve Biko (South African civil rights martyr)

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I love the flow. I love the imagery. This is incredible. You really have a talent. Great job. :)
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 2:38 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

View profile
Okay, just so I don't get anymore comments about the flow: though you may not like it, the flow is coming from my style of writing. I thank you all for pointing it out, and I'll definately keep it in mind in the future, but for this poem, I think it is necessary and appropriate the way that I've written it. Thanks for the comments and feedback
Emily.L GOLD said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 12:15 pm
Emily.L GOLD, Gilbert, Arizona
10 articles 12 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us. Even if it's not what we want, at least it's something. " -Sarah Dessen

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The see that the flow isn't the best, but that doesn't distract me from the rest of the poem. It's really well written! (:
Shadow878 GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 2:15 pm
Shadow878 GOLD, Marion, Indiana
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

"Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men." JFK

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.”Albert Einstein

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
C. S. Lewis

"A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading."
C. S. Lewis

"Anyone who doesn’t believe in miracles is not a realist."
David Ben-Gurion

"An eye for an eye makes the world go blind" Gandi

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we are such hypocrits lol
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 12:30 pm
DeusExMachina SILVER, Reading, Pennsylvania
7 articles 6 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe was exploding, each particle away from the next, hurtling us into dark and lonely space, eternally tearing us away from each other--child out of the womb, friend away from friend, moving from each other, each through his own pathway toward the goal-box of solitary death

View profile
Yeah thats pretty much the same critique i had for yours Jesusfreak78. lol ironic
Shadow878 GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 12:20 pm
Shadow878 GOLD, Marion, Indiana
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

"Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men." JFK

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.”Albert Einstein

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
C. S. Lewis

"A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading."
C. S. Lewis

"Anyone who doesn’t believe in miracles is not a realist."
David Ben-Gurion

"An eye for an eye makes the world go blind" Gandi

View profile
I agreee the flow needs more work, try to keep your line a similar length. Other than that not bad. keep it up