I fell,
Not the kind of falling where there is an end
But the kind of falling that doesn't stop
The kind where the fear never leaves
The kind where you don't wake up
It's the kind of feeling that is the absence of all hope.

For Kyle
For my mom
For my sister - Sarah
Why do I crave your acceptance?
Your forgiveness?
Your love?
Because I give all of these in return.
Because I need to feel like I'm not so alone.
Because I need to love and be loved in return.

I have memories...

Kyle,
Summer of 2010
We're digging up rocks
And laughing
The only time I really seriously laughed anymore was when I was with you.
You're so shy.
Brushing my hand gently now and then
Affection in every movement you make.
I laugh and kiss you gently
Shy, but trying to give you what's left of my heart...

Sarah,
December 2008
Winter Storm
Ice is everywhere, making driving near impossible.
You're with Sam in the front seat of his car
Blaring Slayer and Avenged Sevenfold
Cruising down Spyrun Avenue.
You take the time to look away
From your current boy toy to look at me
And smile.
Like you think I'm worth it
Like you think I'm special...

Mom,
Summer of 2006
The Apartments on Hazelwood
You took me to the Firefly
Showed some of your poetry
Bought me a Butterfly smoothie.
Spent actual TIME with me,
And didn't even bother answering your phone
And you weren't high
I felt safe and loved by you
For the first time...

I forgave all of you for things you've done wrong
Please...
I'm begging on bended knee...
Forgive me too...?