Where are you? | Teen Ink

Where are you?

January 20, 2011
By whatshername GOLD, Carlsbad, California
whatshername GOLD, Carlsbad, California
14 articles 1 photo 112 comments

I was there
When you cried
When you screamed
When you bled.

I listened
To your rants
To your fits
To your lies.

I cried with you
I sat with you

You promised to do the same for me when I needed
Your strength
Your courage
Your understanding
So where are you?

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This article has 1 comment.

on Feb. 9 2011 at 10:03 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Poetry isn't quite my specialty, but I'll do my best to critique. 

I like the pattern here. However, I think the 'I cried with you / I sat with you' part a bit repetitive from the beginning. Perhaps you could take that part out? And the 'you promised to do the same for me when I need' is slightly too long to compensate with the rest of the poem. Maybe 'You promised to do the same / When I needed / Your strength...' and so on. These are just my thoughts. Overall, this poem is really down-to-earth and reflecting the true meaning of friendship. Keep composing those poems! Great job(: