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Never did I think that
Would be so definitive
Could you ever imagine
Your best friend; gone
Never to speak again,
Think again, love again.
The casket, dark rich chocolate
Brown is slowly lowered into the
Ground on that snowy morning.
Her face, the color of pale death,
Is locked in an eternal state of
Quietness surrounds the six foot
Deep hole they are lowering her
Into. My best friend. Gone, Forever.
All it took was one bad decision to
Ruin the rest of my life and end the
Rest of hers.
Flashback to that night and how it could have been changed.
Flashback to right before the party that caused her imminent demise.
Before our relationship ended and her hands. Once vibrant and warm, now folded over her chest willing her heart to beat.
Her eyes, baby blue and full of longing towards what she cannot have.
Her hair, long and vibrant, chestnut brown locks fall off her shoulders in tightly wound tendrils.
Skin, evenly tanned by the hot sun from the short beaches of Cabo where she spends her summers.
Every Day, before and after school, she was there.
Whenever I needed her, night or day, she was there.
Jorja, my best friend.
Nathan, so all knowing, smart, handsome, always there for me when I needed him; except that night.
His green eyes full of rage and jealousy set upon a face full of confusion.
The tears I watched him shed upon glancing at my lifeless body for the last time.
Patient and understanding, his calmness radiates throughout his muscular body.
Always there for me when I needed him; except that night. I needed his warm hands to encircle me and carry me home safely.
He wasn’t there for me.
Nathan, my best friend, wasn’t a friend on the night I met;
Early Bed Time
I had planned to turn in early after school but a
Of events prohibited that from happening correctly.
An IM popped up onto my blank computer screen
Need an Escape?
Code words for “Wanna go out and get shit faced wasted?
I responded; “Please”
Anything to get out of my room and the black depression I had sulked into.
I had fallen into a depression.
Spiraled slowly down into a slump
We met in the middle between the 7-11 on Downtown Avenue and the Quick Mart on Station Street. I got in the car with him.
Sat next to the Devil in disguise
T H E
Halloween parties are always the best, you can dress up as someone who you wish you could be.
All of which lined the walls, their silent sighs echoed around me as I waited for her.
When the door opened it was like someone had turned on the light of the world.
There she was, my angel.
Were shared as we acknowledged each other’s presence.
In her eyes the need for something shone. The devil was already upon her. Lacing her breath with the stagnant smell of brandy and glazing over her eyes with the want of more.
Al was his name. Al K. Hall.
His nickname; Jose Cuervo.
Be right back Nathan.
She brushed past me as she made her way to the kitchen. The smell of sweet surrender passed under my nose and I sighed.
I had lost her to him.
Is such sweet sorrow.
All the weeks I had spent in that wretched place were now coming back to haunt me as I took a sip of my famous Jack Hammer.
Jose and Jack waltzing the tango to a shaken song over ice.
As the first sip hit my tongue I could instantly feel the buzz, my face felt hot with anticipation for another sip and I felt like everyone was looking straight at me.
I stumbled over to Nathan and enveloped him in my frail arms. “I love you Nathan, lets dance.”
Jorja, are you drunk?
I didn’t answer, I slid my lips over his and sloppily grabbed at the back of his head to connect our lips in a loving embrace
Kissing her was like kissing a wet dog. The smell of Jose and Jack radiated on her lips as she pressed them sloppily on mine.
I threw her off quickly and she stumbled against the wall.
Her eyes looked at me softly, full of need. She needed me, as a friend.
I walked away from the puppy dog eyes, baby blue and full of regret watched me scurry into the bathroom to hide my pain.
I closed the door behind me with a definite thunk. I couldn’t even look at her.
I had once again lost her.
I bolted out the front door of the party, no one followed.
I had been there all but 10 minutes and I was already making mistakes.
My whole life was a mistake.
He was a mistake.
Jose and Jack were mistakes.
This was a mistake.
I stood on the sidewalk outside the park on 5th street holding my belly as it squirmed and swished around.
The noticeable bump kicked and I winced.
I didn’t see it
Didn’t see the bright headlights as they collided with my frail body.
Didn’t see the ground approaching quickly as I slid off the car.
Didn’t hear the screeching of the tires as the car skidded to a stop to see if I was okay.
Didn’t feel the pain engulf me.
Didn’t hear me screaming out his name, “NATHAN!”
Everything went blurry.
A black veil was placed over my face, I was shrouded in fear.
I looked around, she was gone.
Frantically I scoured the throngs of people laughing and drinking merrily.
My world seemed to be moving in slow motion. It all happened like a silent movie.
I stepped out the door slowly and ran down the sidewalk. Jorja was nowhere to be seen.
Up ahead the lights blinded me; red, white, and blue flashes going off like bombs in my head.
I walked slowly towards the accident. A familiar mess of brown hair was being loaded onto the stretcher.
The haze was lifted. I ran towards the medics.
“Jorja! Jorja, I’m here, wake up.”
I grabbed the pale hand that was dangling at the side of the stretcher.
Sir, I’m going to need you to back up. We need to get them to the hospital.
Waiting in the waiting room was misery. I watched frazzled doctors swarm around me with nurses hightailing behind them. Stretchers swished past with uncomfortable patients settled upon them.
The worst part of the waiting room was the agony.
The air was laced with it, the smell of tears and heartbreak radiated through every orfice of that room.
Screams could be heard as family members were informed of their loved one’s demise.
Never did I think that would be me.
The doctor, clad in a white coat, sauntered slowly into the small white room I was sitting in. He pulled latex gloves off his hands and threw them in the trash can on his way out. Throwing away the blood of my best friend.
Are you the family of Jorja Keaton?
His face was solemn and full of despair. “Please… Is she alright?”
I’m sorry, we weren’t able to save Ms. Keaton. We were able to save the baby though. Do you know the father?
The small bump.
It all made sense to me.
Sir, are you alright?
The doctor touched my shoulder softly before I collapsed on the ground in tears. The feeling of despair filed my lungs and I gasped for breath.
Ten minutes ticked by and I was able to grab ahold of myself enough to go and find the doctor again.
“Can I see it?” I sighed softly.
Her, It’s a girl. I’m only authorized to allow the father of the child in at the moment and seeing as how we have no recollection of that person…no.
“I’m the father.”
Would you submit to a DNA test to verify?
“I’m certain, but yes.”
Finally Able To Hold Her
After much consideration, the doctor led me into the nursery. The sounds of crying babies filled my ears and I shed a small tear.
She would never be here to hold her.
Never be here to brush out her hair and give her advice.
Never be a shoulder to cry on when a boy breaks her heart.
Never be the mother this baby could ever wish for.
I picked up the frail child in my muscular arms and stared into a familiar face. Jorja.
A spitting image was staring back, the baby blue eyes. A thin mess of brown hair on the crown of her head and that same look, the look of longing. Longing to be loved, held, kissed.
I closed my eyes, I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore.
Savannah Jorja Keaton- Jones.
The rain dripped down my face as I slid forward to the casket. The preacher ended his sermon as I trudged through the mud. I placed my single white rose on her hands. Still folded, always folded, forever. Still willing her heart to beat.
Tears slid softly onto my suit jacket as I placed a gentle kiss upon the soft but icy cold lips of the girl I once loved.
Walking back to my seat next to my mother I caught the small whimper of Savannah.
I looked down into the arms of my mom and smiled slightly at my baby girl.
Her baby blue eyes, too young to have gone through what I have. Too bright to be full of sadness. Too much like her mother’s.
Will she remember? Remember the accident that should have taken not only her mother’s life but her own?
Goodbyes are always bittersweet. As they lowered Jorja into the casket I took Savannah in my arms and cried.
Forever is a solemn ending to this once happy story.
I stood and walked slowly over to the headstone.
A Loving Daughter, Friend
and Unexpected Mother.
Rest In Peace.
The headstone was placed at the bottom of a statue, a stone angel hunched over with her wings spread wide. I looked up at the sky into the clearing skies.
“Embrace me Jorja, help me carry on. I don’t know how I’m going to live with out you.”
I could have sworn the wind picked up, I felt a soft shield engulf Savannah and I.
She was here, and always would be. In Spirit.