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alone

November 8, 2010
By shadowfox1996 BRONZE, Farmington, Minnesota
More by this author
shadowfox1996 BRONZE, Farmington, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"talk softly but carry a big stick" by Theodore Roosevelt

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I am all alone. There is people all around me yet I am all alone. I am in a sea full of little islands. Those islands are groups of kids. Goths emos even nerds have a group. I am in the sea about to drown. Every time i try to swim to an island they only get futher away.

© John B., Philadephia, PA

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 2 comments.

shadowfox1996 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 28 2011 at 12:16 pm
shadowfox1996 BRONZE, Farmington, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"talk softly but carry a big stick" by Theodore Roosevelt

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Thank you for the feedback!
SpringRayyn PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 2 2010 at 8:05 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

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"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

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I like the ending part, but the one sentance that says "Those islands are groups of kids" is one I don't really think is necesarry. Also, just some commas in the sentance telling the few different groups would help the reading and it bugs me a bit that you said "there is" instead of "there are." This is a really good idea though, and with a little more work it could be even better.