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Fraction of Time
The state of mind when I think back,
to what I called home is blurry.
A fraction of what I think was there.
I feel as if I was living life through a TV screen.
The dread of not knowing what has actually happened,
what was really real, what feelings were there.
I can’t feel real when I think to the past.
The fuzzy feeling of something soft, but from what?
The slight buzz from the car, driving to where?
The faint sound of music coming from somewhere unknown.
But as I close my eyes and think I realize,
how I feel about the past doesn’t matter now.
What matters now, is the memories I make.
The people I spend my time with.
As I make memories that blurry uneasy very of not knowing,
seems to leave, and let me focus on the life I know, not the life I don’t.
That fuzzy feeling from the cat I have now.
The slight buzz of the car I now drive.
The faint sound of music from my family upstairs.
It all feels real now.
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This piece was something I wrote in class when we were told to write about our childhoods, but I a have a disorder that makes my memoires blurry or I just don't remember them very well. (DID) And so I took a different turn with it and talked about how I feel thinking about the past, then switched to how I feel when I make new memoires now that I know what is wrong with me.