I don’t like taking the blame

The points missing from the fraction

The stains of red ink 

The letters that range from B to Z

Embodying the early morning sleep

The nibbled nails and bouncing knees
The constant glances at the clock

There the markings stand

Imprinted on my paper

Standing too tall and too high

But the test was unfair

My pencil wasn’t the good one

My thighs were sticking to my seat

The teacher can’t teach

I don’t like taking the blame

When the ballet music cues

And I’m not the leaves swaying in the breeze on a cool autumn morning

Or the fluorescent rays of light and water dancing on the pool tiles and floor

I see mouths firing arrows with messages attached 

And one arrow is sharper than the others, having a sleek shaft and a crisp blade

It cuts through the studio air

Weaves and maneuvers its way past the other girls 

And it hits me

It hits me

That I’m not good enough

Suddenly, I don’t feel like I can dance anymore

But I wasn’t having a good hair day

My bun wasn’t flat enough

My thighs were bloated

My leotard made me look fat

I don’t like taking the blame

My mom yelled at me today

I never realized how many names she has for me

麻煩, which means inconvenient

羅說, which means picky

“You Don’t Appreciate Me”

That’s one of my longer names

It seems like the one I’m called the most lately

But she’s just stressed

I’m doing nothing wrong

Everyone is against me

I can’t do anything to become better

I don’t like taking the blame

Because there are too many wrongs I’m at fault for

Too many thing I can and should change

Too many problems I can fix

It’s all so much 

And I’m so little

So every time I hear a yell or sense a tirade

Every time the weather predicts a storm is coming 

Or the moon tells me the tide is pulling in

I grab a brick

Spread some plaster onto my trowel

And lay a thick layer on the red block

And then I set it down on the floor in front of me

Another bad test score, another brick

Another disappointing dance class, another brick

Another name from my mom, another brick

Every critique, every pitfall, every time I’ve fallen short 

I lay another brick

Adding just a little more area

Just a little more surface 

To my wall