My Name

Jordyn Hefter

When I hear the name “Jordan” what comes to mind is a strong country, a flowing river, and a famous basketball player. 

My name is somehow less. Kinda like when someone waves to you, and you wave back- only to find out they were never looking at you. They weren’t ever waving at you just like they are never talking about me. Second–an afterthought. 

 When you hear my name it is always spelled Jordan before Jordyn. Spelled wrong on every name tag, coffee order, and contact on their phones. My name is constantly correcting people, politely of course–but slightly annoyed beneath.

My whole life I have always been a people pleaser, placing others before myself.

Over the years I have learned to accept- love my name. It brings me joy to see it spelled out; in a text, letter, or even just hearing it. Jordyn has 6 letters, just like my middle and last names. It satisfies my brain to see it written. I love signing my name -every little loop is connected. It’s like art to me if it had an -an, it would tell a completely different story.

I have never really felt like I fit in. I used to be ashamed of that. Try to hide the fact that I didn’t fit in. I hid in the clothes I wore. Always follow the latest trends or match the person I thought I should be. 

The truth is that person was never happy. Deep down I wanted to be myself—dress like how I imagined mother nature to be. I love thrifting and am okay with being labeled “different” because I don’t want to blend in. 

So I’m learning to love the y in my name. It gives it the -in sound at the end instead of the long -a sound. It’s short and sweet– neat and perfect like the person aspires to be. The person who is organized, not stressed, and doesn't procrastinate. The person who loves themself and is who they want to be. Not who they think they should be.