i hate that i still love you

and that it hurts so f*cking bad.

i hate that i’m still waiting

for you to change your mind

and come back to what we had.

i hate that all these people want me

and all i want is you.

i hate that nobody is good enough,

especially compared to you.

when i told my therapist about you the other day,

i began from the start.

the calls, the cute texts,

how much you warmed my cold heart.

she was smiling until i had to get to the

hard and mucky part.

the break up and the ugly cry,

the symphony we had turning into

messy art.

she looked at me with muddy pity as she had to say,

“this might be cold comfort

but it has to be said.

although charming and chivalry is a part of him,

there seems to also be some instability

within.”

i hate myself for thinking that

you could ever be mine.

i told you that you were too good to be true

and you said that was a lie.

“i’m just right for you”

you responded.

you promised you were mine.

you said that we were for life.

why did you lie?

our love was like a rose.

and i know that a corny analogy,

i know.

but it was beautiful

and flourishing

with little,

itty bitty

thorns.

but roses wither quickly.

they turn old and they die.

ill forever remember our love like that.

feeling like you’re on top of the world,

flying,

only to be batted from the sky

the next day,

sobbing on the ground until your heart is begging you

no more.

i still sleep with your hoodie sometimes.

depends on the night.

it reeks of your cologne,

all the tears from that night.

and your ring sits on my dresser,

waiting to be worn.

but i refuse to put it on

and fool myself into thinkingg i truly was

ever yours.

and it was only two months we were together

which is probably the worst part

because we never got to live out that

future you planned for us.

how can someone who was only there for so short

have such a big impact on my heart?

i hate that i wanted to give you all of me

even from the start

and i especially hate that

all i ever got was a stupid

f*cking

broken heart.