Every day.

Every hour.

Every minute.

Every second.

It all counts.

But why?

Why try?

Become a doctor.

Become a lawyer.

Get a job.

Go to College.

Why?

Every day.

A bro-ken re-co-rd.

Life goes on.

Wake, work, eat, sleep.

Cry, fail, starve, weep.

But what if I don’t succeed?

You mean fail?

You can’t fail.

No one will respect you.

Your parents,

Your friends,

Your teachers,

No one.

No one will be there for you.

You will be alone.

Damnit.

I study.

Work as my eyes burn.

The cursor blinks in waiting.

My brain is paralyzed,

Trying to find a perfect word,

In the sea of my thoughts.

I’m blank

_____________

My fingertips bleed.

My body trembles in fear.

Broken pencils

Lay across my desk.

Papers stack up in piles.

A+

A+

A+

A+

A-

…

A-?

What?

I look again.

A-.

No.

Thoughts fill my brains

Like an unleashed dam of water.

Cold cruel thoughts.

My phone shines

With the notification.

A-.

Damn it.

Damn it all.

Tears soak up my pillow.

My face streaks with marks  

Nails dig into my skin,

pulling hard.

My teeth are scarring my lips,

and a taste like metal fills my mouth.

…

Why do I do this?

Why can’t I do this?

Why?

Simple answer.

Unsuccessful.

Waste.

Not worthy.

Loser.

Dumb.

Failure.

Failure, Failure, Failure.

Life goes on.

I fall asleep.

Against the tear-soaked comforter.

A perfect life dancing in my nightmares.

And a boulder weighing on my shoulder.

The pressure.

It hurts.

And again, I ask,

Why?

My thoughts are knives,

and my tears are the blood.

Funny thing is,

I have to do this.

All.

Over.

again.