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I Won't Wake up Tomorrow
I have no reason to live. But you already know that.
And you will be the retreat of a smile, and a wave from the leaves.
My mind is tricky, and I see talking heads a gray-robed figure. The heads chatter
but the figure lends me his hands.
My memories are memories. I am sure of little. I met a sailor today
who had white salty hair, matted in years of rank. His back was aching
and his fingers hurt from white-knuckling the helm. His eyes held a tempest tenfold.
When we meet, I’ll be grateful.
Do not look down, my son; it is horrible. We are like wheat in the tall grass,
much the same and altogether different.
And I am sure of that. I should be killed for this information, but one cannot give time away.
I was never a pilot.
But I will walk without food or drink
I will walk for years until I choke on sand. As shades of purple, I’ll draw you a sheep.
Because I look up to you, Little Prince, with tears in my eyes.
You laugh; and tomorrow I will wake up, whether I like it or not.
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This piece is about many things at once. It starts and I am the sailor, a man, grizzled from past experiences, and how I long to be childish and naive. Like the little prince. It is also in part the question I ask myself, would I be happier as an ignorant person? Unknowing to the horrible and persistent questions of life or myself who is too curious to shy away from them. It is these people and these questions that I am all at once. That is why I am meeting them, like the sailor. But everything is ambiguous in life. Even memories.