wasting life 

I want to be 5 again. 

wishing I still looked at the world with naivety and innocence, 

convinced the world was mine and full of happiness and potential. 

I want to be 5 again.

wishing flowers still seemed to bloom bigger and brighter,

smiles and belly laughs alike were authentic and contagious.

I want to be 5 again.

Not a worry in the world, 

Princesses and Princes were real,

fall leaves were made to jump in.

I want to be 5 again.

Barbies never turned their backs on me,

Family felt more than blood, 

and it wasn’t hard to get out of bed in the morning.

But when I was 5 I wanted to be 16. 

and at 16 I find I want to be 5. 

now seeing the world as a dark heavy place full of expectations and exhaustion.

In both cases I mourn every time but the present. 

What follows is a heart full of regret.