when did it all get so heavy? 

when did i go from dancing in my room,

to being scared of myself?

when did i go from being a carefree child,

to having everything on my shoulders?

i have to carry my burdens

and i don’t get help

even if i beg for it 

so i turned to substance 

to wash the weight away 

i stopped for a while

and then it got bad 

really bad 

and then when alcohol wasn’t enough 

i tried every drug in the book

got hooked on a few

spent a few weeks in a

depression-fueled, drug-induced haze

taking any pill i could find in the cabinet

and spending all my hours looking for something new

to make it all stop

and when the bottles turned empty

and the weight came back

i thought

if drugs didn’t calm the storm in my brain anymore

an ending would.