Elegy for My First Love Affair | Teen Ink

Elegy for My First Love Affair

February 4, 2022
By Anonymous

You look like Brad Pitt in the nineties, 

But better.

You look like your torso should be in a museum.

You look perfect and tender,

Strong and impure. 

You know I still think about you,

And you like that.

What did you really mean when you said I’m so likable?

Everybody’s wrong about you because you’re so good at fooling people.

My friend said once that you look on the outside just like you are on the inside.

You have her perfectly tricked.

You’re nothing like what you are on the outside. 

You don’t even know who you are, though.

That’s why I feel like I can’t ever know you.


I never knew I loved you until you broke my heart.


We’re not too different, you and I,

But maybe that was our downfall.


I remember that day when we went to the cafe across from the smoke shop,

I remember it felt like we were in our own little world,

That’s how you made me feel,

Like it was only the two of us alive.

Then the glass shattered, 

And a rude awakening took place,

And I’m still living walking across the shards.

All this practice for heartbreak didn’t prepare me,

Nothing could, of course.


The last time I saw you,

Worry dancing in your blue eyes,

Guilt, maybe,

Your heart beating out of your chest

In the basement,

Frightened of this thing that we’d become,

The distance between us widening like a chasm

We both fell into.


Somebody asked me about the first person I had sex with.

The first person I had sex with was also the first person I ever loved,

I said.

I was very young, too young.

We were very young. We’d been through a lot, apart and together,

Together and apart.



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