it hurts more than anything

knowing that i care more than you do.

it hurts more than words can say

when you treat me like i’m a brick wall

as if i’m made of titanium

or rubber.

as if i’m not human

and sometimes my feelings are more precious than glass

more precious than an elephant on a tight rope

dancing between “the almost” and reality.

it hurts watching you talk to them

because i’ll never be them

and we’ll never talk like that

and you’ll never treat me like that

and i’ll always wonder what made them so much better than me

in your mind

they’re so much better than me.

you don’t care about me

not like how you care about her

and i know that and

i’ll painfully swallow the pill and smile at you

but it’ll still be stuck in my throat, unwilling to process into my body

because while i’ll tell them that you’re my friend

my best friend

they’ll never be able to look into our relationship and 

see the flag sailing out of my vision on the horizon 

because i know that every day i don’t spend devoting 110% of myself to you

is just another reason for you to be her friend.