i’ve always liked being hungover 

i don’t know if it’s the feeling the next day

the feeling of peace 

because i can’t tap into my emotions 

so i don’t have to feel just like 

the night before when i drank so much

i couldn’t see straight 

a nightly occurrence 

maybe i like being hungover because i can’t eat the next day

and i don’t get hungry 

maybe all the drinking will help me lose a few pounds 

i lose weight, and i can’t feel a thing, and i don’t think about you

because i’m too worried

about all my friends 

that ask if i have a problem 

that offer help that i refuse 

because it’s pathetic 

i cant even legally drink yet and it’s spinning

out of control 

“mom i’m out of wine” 

“i got 2 bottles last night”

“i don’t know what happened to them”

i was standing right in front of her screaming for help

truth is

i don’t know how to stop

how to feel again

how to not think about you

you 

the one thing that keeps me going 

even though i know i can never have you

even though the reason i drink is because i don’t want to think about how much you mean to me and how little i mean to you 

i’m a paragraph in your book and you’re a chapter in mine 

but it’s okay 

this shots for you

and this one 

and this one 

and this one 

it’s the next morning 

am i hungover

or just hung on you 

am i gonna do it again tonight 

so the feeling doesn’t go away 

or will i let myself cry today

nah 

i’ll just drink again.