There are nights like these when I’ve lost myself 

When I palpitate breathless, sputtering curses

on this bleached bathroom floor

i am in pain, mom.

There were days when my skin was like glue 

Blue and red hues peppering my left hand’s knuckles 

as I threw up my dinner yet again 

i was in pain, mom.

There were mornings when all I knew was the treadmill 

Remembering the smell of concrete and guilt, passing out from the first hour

As I ran from this body I abhor

i am still running, mom. 

There were days when my own mind betrayed me 

Held my lifeless body in a senseless trance 

I have scars from the folds of my fitted sheets 

i am tired, mom. 

There are nights when my throat still regurgitates 

The bite [taste] of my bile grasps the back of my tongue 

When my body claws at the toxicity it once held

but 

i am getting better, mom. 

Now there are days when my past stays in the past 

Won’t overcome this fight I almost lost 

For this ferris wheel ride has finally ceased, sputtering as it stopped 

i am finally happy now, mom-

I just wish you were here to see it.