i shut my eyes and hold my breath

then check my phone again

i pace the room and check the time

no notifications

which is fine

i toss the screen across the room

and let my feelings linger and loom

then miss the comfort

and the peace

of morphing my world into a virtual escape

i shake my head

and tap my phone

just once more,

just in case

anyone’s tried to reach me

i tap and click

and…the results are in

no one’s tried to call or text me

but that’s ok, i can just let it be

instead i scroll and stroll

through hiding happy people and internet trolls

and i pretend that i’m living their smiley and sparkling pixelated lives

instead of the dazed out ghostly reality of mine.

i tap on the glass

and tap some more

laugh until i cry

cry until i laugh

and sob until

the salted droplets blur my vision

and the screen

so i shut my phone,

And i’m left with nothing but the unmasked stranger on the black screen staring back at me

i toss my phone and throw it away

i’m done

so very done

but blurs of people and places and posts

bounce off the walls of my battered brain

and i glance at that evil little box from

across the room

that calls and taunts me until im forced to grab that box of doom

i turn it on…

just once more

or maybe two (or three)

or four

or…maybe even more