Anger.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Fear.

Temptation.

Lies.

Deceit.

Resentment.

Every single one of these can be hurtful.

And everyone of these I feel in some way each and everyday.

Unless my frail and fragile little mind can be distracted.

But it's hard.

It's so hard to push on.

Everyday I wake up and I'm more tired than the day before.

More exhausted as my will to keep going is drained by life's daily challenges.

I drag myself through this hell that only sane people call existence.

I feel as if everything I do is meaningless.

It's as if you say that nothing matters.

We all end up in a hole six feet under this cold hard ground, rotting away as everyone forgets all of our achievements until the day when no one will even remember that you existed.

Death is an all too real thing.

And it's so sad to see that so many people see it as their only way out of their own personal hell.

There's so many other options but we can't see if we are blinded by these intrusive thoughts that will never go away.

When everything is blended and blurry how do we see?

What other solution is there than to just take that final step.

Take the leap of faith and release your grief unto the world.

Release the pain and deep sadness that you feel.

You feel scared when you come close to that edge.

We're human.

We all feel that way when that time of realization comes.

We're scared to leave behind nothing but a rotting corpse and to be reduced to nothing but a fading memory in our loved ones minds.

We're too scared to think about feeling the last draw of the lungs when we know we can no longer breathe.

Death is a scary reality for most.

And it's not the death itself that's scary.

It's the thought of the impact on everything and everyone it might have.

Each and every single feeling we feel whether it be deep within or openly expressed can all have an impact on our psyche.

I don't want to die.

But my mind does.

I want my mind to just calm down.

I want to be free of all grief, guilt, anger, sadness, fear, temptation, lies, and deceit that I feel or put up with.

I just want freedom.

Not just from my mind but from my environment.

People expect me to be happy and fine all of the time and they start to get frustrated when they see that I'm not.

People want me to do this and that and all I want to do is live in a peaceful headspace and not have to worry too much about school work, grades, relationships, friends, siblings, or parents.

People expect to see immediate change and results when the only thing I know how to do is worry.

I don't want to feel like this and I never asked to feel like this.

To the people who say that I'm just a lazy piece of crap who won't listen to anyone or won't even do what I'm told, please stop.

It's more hurtful than you could ever realize.

I know it doesn't seem like I'm trying.

But that's all I do.

That's all I can do.

All I can do is try to get out of bed, and try not to worry, but when my brain, and body have had enough, I just can't do anything.

I don't want to stay in bed and I don't want to feel this way.

But what I do want is to go to school and to get out of bed every morning and be happy that I'm alive.

I want to come to peace with my mind and be comfortable in my skin.

I want nothing more than to be genuinely happy.