The words he said to me cut so deep

I wanted to believe he didn’t mean it

I wanted to believe it never happened

I wanted to believe it was just a nightmare

I wanted to believe I wasn’t  left feeling blue.

I wanted to believe feeling as if my whole world wasn’t  crashing down

I wanted to believe that the needles that were poking my heart from how nervous I was didn’t stab me.

I wanted to believe he didn’t leave

I wanted to believe I wasn’t broken, heartbroken from the fact I failed

I wanted to believe I didn’t failed to be a better person

I wanted to believe he failed to see that he was worse

I wanted to believe that time travel was real

I wanted to believe I can just go back to being strangers

I wanted to believe that I was strong

I wanted to believe that I was okay and I could move on like he did from me.

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 wanted to believe that I was okay and I could move on like he did from me.

And I did eventually

I started to believe I was strong

I started to believe I didn’t need him

I started to believe it was okay

I started to believe that even though the world we had together failed to survive

I did

I started to believe the grass was greener on the other side

I started to believe in creating my own paradise

Believed  that without him everything will be alright

Slowly moving on from the love I’ve always wanted

Moving on from the most tragic fantasy 

I was tired of  being held down by pain

I was tired of crying and thinking of him everyday

Even now I still do

I still miss him

I still love him

Because you can never truly move on from someone you loved

I started to believe I needed him again

But my belief was never reality

And I knew I would be just fine