I don't even have a choice anymore,

It is catching up so quick,

My decisions are starting to harm me, but I can't stop.

I feel alarmingly tired, my bones feel like dough and it feels suffocating to stand

I've lost twenty pounds, that's a lot to me,

I look in the mirror longingly every morning, noticing all the weight shedding off like a second skin

I decided to make changes, I didn't want to be afraid of myself forever

I skip meals to feel whole again,

I feel the hunger burning in my belly but I ignore it,

My mom has a paper on the fridge, it writes, ¨Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels¨

I look at it every morning and feel the despair swirl around in my body, I want that, I tell myself

It's no secret that the pounds decreased in a short amount of time,

My parents expressed their concerns,

Even with the best intentions, I still feel alone and empty, a hollow shell of a person

I'm struggling in front of you…

I scream on the inside, loud and torturous, why can't you hear me?

I'll be consistent until it's too late

On the outside, I'm smiling,  but on the inside, I can feel myself slipping away, slowly diminishing.

It's a sorrowful lifestyle, trying to put on a show that I am happy with myself, that I truly love who I've become, but I don't recognize myself anymore, 

The person I see in the mirror is a face I've never seen before, 

An utter stranger 

How can I gleam when I am scared of who I am and scared of who I will be.