When will I understand why I am the way I am,

The way I think or speak, act or plan.

Why life will come barreling down eventually whether

we are ready or not.

When will I understand the impact of my influences,

The people I surround myself with now, when I myself am the therapist.

What do I do when the people who I learned life from 

have disappeared. 

When will I understand when to quit,

That is rhetorical, never will I quit.

Giving up is not resort, what I have to fight 

for is never ending, she is too close to me.

When will I understand my idols are gone,

The people I looked up to, plagued by the truths of life.

Those who wanted good, who wanted to change things for good.

Who ached of pain, but told the most truth.

When will I understand I must act now, 

I have so many opportunities in life, why I am disregarding it all?

I embody both motivation and procrastination, with so much to accomplish.

If I don’t sort it out, I won’t be able to see her.

When will I understand what has happened.

Too young, having too much fun, being too naive.

The people I surrounded myself with then, left 

me unprepared to understand the hardships.

When will I understand what is at stake.

My life with her, my own goals, my own purpose.

Yet, I have sat dormant on these thoughts.

Letting all that is important dwindle.

When will I understand how to deal with it all.

The obstacle which many endure, coping.

Starting with limited ability, setting up for eventual failure.

Even now with knowledge, it still is heavy.

When will I understand I can make it through this.

Anxiety is a powerful force, but not as important as 

the good people around me. My experiences will not 

be an obstacle, I will be there for those who count on me most.

When will I understand I can do so much good.

Especially for my friends, for her, for everyone that needs me.

What I can help not only for myself, but them.

I will take from what I have learned, it’s time I got to work.