sometimes i like to believe that im invincible. 

that i alone can stand the change in time, and that i can slow it down. 

i know thats not the case, but as my dads hair grows more grey, and as my sister starts to worry about her weight, i find comfort in that dream. 

days slip by and i find myself falling into a pattern. an endless loop. 

i try to break it, but days are falling from my cupcake calendar and into the trash can. 

tomorrow is new years, and im still stuck in june. stuck in june with my last love, and ex best friends. 

school starts again soon and i try to brace myself for the fact that im leaving home soon. 

summer is creeping up again, but this time the expectations are real. 

i wish i didnt have to ship myself off for 3 weeks to write in an unknown place, just so i can distinguish myself. 

questions about my future are becoming more frequent, and i find myself without answers. 

i perform rituals on the full moons, and the time between each one seems shorter than the last. 

months are flying by, and soon i will be back in my birthplace. 

mom and dad finally decided to sell my childhood home, and ill never see the room in which i first slept again. 

moms office is being cleared out after the warm holidays, and a cold feeling has settled over everyone. 

pictures and memories from my life as i knew it are being stuffed into boxes and shoved into the attic. who knows when they will be opened again. 

mom seemed surprised to find i still sleep with my big lion, and my heart aches for the simpler days.  

its been a month since my birthday, and my life comes to a halt as i realize next birthday is my last as a child. 

18 is looming in my future, and my parents are getting older too. 

sadness glides down my cheeks, and i know i should want to spend more time with them. but all it makes me feel is numb. 

i know death is inevitable. 

ive seen it happen, and ive felt the temporary pain. but for me, i find more sadness in my dogs birthday, or in seeing that stomach has grown. 

i know death is inevitable, but i know too that i am invincible.