just enough sweat leaking through my fingertips to make me lose my grip.

keeping my body tightly wound up as if i were wrapped in squeezing chords.

fighting the red blemish that overwhelms my face.

just barely breathing through the uncontrollable butterflies in my stomach that flutter up through my throat.

i can’t even get one word out without gasping for air.

i sit there patiently pretending not to know you entered the room,

as i hear the small whispers of your voice from afar,

and as you sneak into the corners of my eyes.

i’m waiting for the perfect moment to exchange glances with your rich dark chocolaty eyes.

i discreetly examine every aspect of your creamy brown skin.

“God, what am i doing!” the voice in the back of my head yells that feels like shrill regret screaming in my ears.

i start to remind my infatuated self of the absence of his presence throughout the weekdays,

and the lack of communication on both our parts.

i know his as well as the bright gleaming object in the sky that greets me from time to time.

always somehow knowing that he’s shining somewhere,

even when the clouds creep in and hide him away from me,

withholding his bright beautiful smile for days at a time.

but as soon as i see him again,

i get that rush of heat pumping through my veins from the blinding tenderness of his face.

but then he speaks to me,

and a million thoughts quickly scammer out of my head.

his soft humble voice that slides so evenly through his plump grape colored lips,

and the memory of every time i convinced myself not to fall for him again flashes through my head like lightning,

but it’s too late,

i’ve uncontrollably reconnected with those kindling feelings that i had just locked away.