Waves crashing onto the rocks of my memories

Finding the jagged edges trying to smooth them out

Failing to cover them and making me snapback to reality

Seeing the ocean blue cap nuzzled between

Skincare products and makeup

Battling between what one to use to help cover up

Vs using to smooth out the edges

Before I become engulfed in the waves.

Anxiety levels rising at things that never used to scare me

Staring into the tangerine orange bottle, ocean blue cap

I feel the water calling me, pulling me into her

My knees collapsing as I crash into her

Shakily reaching for the next dose

As she jerks me back into her arms

Restraining me from what could kill her

Moving the doses up, pumping into me

Counting the small sand colored tablets

Listening to the waves receding back

Sitting nuzzled between skincare products and makeup

That ocean blue cap haunts my numb brain

She tells me to come home to her

I walk on to her

Eyes glazed over, falling into the waves

Knowing that I needed to give up

She pulls me close and  whispers

“Good girl see? You can’t kill me that easy.”