A dark thing I am,

A lost feeling I feel.

These days are getting colder,

Or is that just my soul,

Shattering into nothingness.

Bleeding out my lies.

The darkness seeps in and takes control.

My thoughts flow through the wind,

Carrying them to those who don't need to hear

How cold it can be,

How it overwhelms you.

It’s so unendurable.

So petrifying,

So unloving.

The ones who hear try to help,

But only tie me down

With frigid itchy ropes.

Around my hands.

Around my legs.

Around my neck.

Tight but not too tight,

Just so I can feel

All the guilt.

All the insecurity.

All the loneliness.

Making things worse,

Making things unbearable.

It will never let me go,

Never let me live

Never let me enjoy life the way it should be.

With good friends,

Full bellies,

Lots of sunshine on the skin

Warming the soul.

I get so close to the sun

Only to be snatched back

Just as I reach the end.

Shadows crawl out of the blackness,

They pull on the ropes that

Bind me to this tenebrosity of a place.

They drag me deeper into the darkness.

Farther away from the sunlight,

Can’t move.

Can’t sob or yowl.

I want help.

I want freedom from my

Worries and fears.

Until that happens,

I sit here

Crippled by the cold.

I must look so sad and

Dead.

So scared.

I don’t want to let go,

But I don’t want to feel all of the

Pain that I feel.

There are ways to get rid of it,

But they scare me.

Those ways hurt at first

And then,

Nothing.

It sounds so easy.

But it’s so hard to let go.

What’s keeping me going still?

Someone must need me,

But who would?

A animal.

A old friend.

A little sister.

A family.

I have things to do,

And these shadows know it.

They pull me away from the light

To keep me locked here,

Away from the

Ones who need me most.

I refuse their temptations of

Happiness and tranquility.

I know that they’re lying.

They just want to use me

For their own plans to hurt others.

I’ll admit that I have made deals with them,

But I always broke them.

Because I don’t want to hurt anyone else

More than I already have.

Whether it’s with words

Or with

Threats of violence.

So I lay here with them,

For another long day.

And they will still be here tomorrow.

Always tempting me with deals.

Pulling on the ropes that bind me.

Dragging me farther into the darkness.

An endless carousel of misery and sorrow

Controls these shadows.

It has had me trapped in its endless,

Sickening cycle.

A lonely cycle meant

For a lonely thing.

For a dark thing.

I have wondered who the carousel owns,

Who it’s truly meant for.

No.

That’s a silly question,

And I will always

Know the answer to it.

The carousel doesn't own anything.

It’s just my mind

Spinning

Spinning

Spinning.

There is no carousel

And there never will be.

I’m my own prisoner

Held captive by my fears.

I’ve betrayed myself

Numerous times,

Over and over again.

And no matter how

Close I get to the sun,

I’ll always be pulled back

And tied down against my own will

By my own mind.