The alarm goes off, 5:45 on the dot every single day

You often question whether it is just an illusion

If your mind is making you believe that this is the reality

Nonetheless, you force your eyelids to pull apart for you to look at the tiny sliver of light entering your room

You try to move but your body aches

Although, pain in your shoulders and legs is nothing comparable to the constant throb you feel in your head

I remember this, you think

But the pounding your head produces is so much louder than the words it speaks

You struggle to leave your house in one piece, as the chaos of the day has already settled in

3 tests, 2 projects, an essay due at midnight, 2 swim practices back to back

Your stomach turns in on itself

Sitting in class is breaking you

Listening to people speak at you is breaking you

Your mind is incapable of functioning

Perhaps it is the lack of food in your body

Or the 3 hours of sleep you get every night

Whatever it may be, it makes you feel weak

You are robotic

Just like that boy once told you

You are incapable of feeling

So preoccupied with completing everything, you allow no time to reflect on yourself

You don't know how you feel

You know it is not happiness though

The few smiles you give in a day

Those are out of sadness

Sadness that you cannot fulfill your duties of being happy

Of being positive for others

Of being the leader you are so destined to become

They told you not to do this to yourself

“Your schedule is packed enough”

But you assumed you were the exception

The 1 in a million

You could handle it

Until you couldn’t

I am breaking

I feel it

I shake, I cry, I can’t think

“Push through,” they tell you

“It will make you stronger,” they tell you

But you are unsure of where the limit is

Weak people cannot accomplish amazing things

Michael Phelps was not weak

Barack Obama was not weak

The boy who sits next to you in Biology, he’s not weak, he gets a perfect score without studying

The girl swimming next to you, she’s not weak, she can and will outwork you

You though

You are weak

You take a day to reconsider things

You’ve hit your breaking point, a familiar yet terrifying moment

I could've sworn this happened 2 weeks ago

Tomorrow is another day, you say

I can get through this

Tomorrow comes

And although it is another day on the calendar

You continue to feel that throb in your head

That shooting pain in your legs and shoulders

That ache of disappointment you give off to others

The feeling of not being good enough

Smart enough

Fast enough

Positive enough

The sense that you've been through this already

And that it is never going to end

That your cycle of nervous breakdowns is like a ball rolling down a hill

And you are the naive child waiting to catch it