Me, on an edge of a cliff staring down at all my friends who jumped before me.

I’m stumped,

Stiff,

Stuck.

I might as well be reading hieroglyphs when I’m trying to understand other people.

I try to change but I can’t.

Music sounds bitter.

Books, well I never read them in the first place.

Eating, well I had to consider whether to starve or not.

The girl, well I wasn’t gonna kiss her.

And I’m not a fighter, but I become a hitter. I hit rock bottom.

My name, I never see it in any column. My smile means nothing.

My happiness it’s good for something, right?

NOPE!

Who cares? I hear voices and they are discussing the nothing that I am

But which voice should I listen to?

Should I pretend, cover up my true feelings?

Should I let go, I’m tired of holding on, I’m tired of needing healing.

BUT we are human beings, we can only do our best. We try and get tired, we need our rest.

SLEEP.

But it’s not enough, our best it’s not enough,

It’ll never be enough.

 “That’s tuff,” “That’s crazy,” “That’s lit,” “You’re trash,” “That’s cash,” “I’m good,” “I’m great,” “I’m perfect,” all words that I say. But all my thoughts are full of hate. Not hating others but myself. Why am I not enough?

Why am I in this state?

Where do I rate? An eight?

I’m still straight, right? WAIT! Glad to see my sense of humor is still there.

But I’m not funny, am I?

BREATHE.

I’m good, I’m great. I just don’t know what I’m feeling. How am I? I honestly don’t know. Is everything ok? Does everyone go through this? I can’t be alone. I didn’t come this far on my own. Where is my family? Where are my friends? NO, Who is my family? Who are my friends? It seems that every couple of months I feel as if I’ve outgrown all of my relationships. My life feels more like a dictatorship and I don’t know who’s in charge. What dictates my decisions? I know I have my vision but I don’t know how to get there. Am I in the right mental position? Who knows? Who cares?

BREATHE. SLEEP. WAKE UP.

I think that what I think is discarded.

People make me out to be some great artist,

A lion hearted fellow who has everything figured out.

But all I know is this cycle I’m in.

I’m heartless.

I’m haunted.

I’m hurting.