Freefall

This afternoon, just as the sun begins to set, I pull myself into a car riding to a place that I want to go. I ride along, the world passing me by. What am I doing here? What am I doing here? We chat, the twang of a New Yorker fills my ears and I. Am. Still. We arrive, and I am greeted by hugs and kisses of friends and empty stares from others. Are we simply a product of being stuck together? My demeanor immediately changes. I am Dynamic. Jump, fall, flip the time slips by like butter on a hot summer’s day. Then we are done. I slip into yet another car filled with people who love me but I am still. He cracks jokes in a low voice that I cannot hear, and my eyes are closed. The sting of chlorine fills my mouth and nose. The feeling is one of anticipation and excitement for what is to come. Bare feet slap the floor as I take steps and steps and steps. How can I change so much in so little time? Clocks fill the room and I see myself in each one. Gazing at those who came before me and those who will come after me, I am in a state of transition. Transitioning. I climb up the ladder and remember who has been. I have seen many falls and failures, this place holds meaning to me. As I step up into the air, I begin to experience clarity. The water is blue and I am okay. There is love in my life and I am so so grateful for it. I fall into the ocean, never to return. The deep blue sea surrounds me and seeps under my skin. And just like that I am back on the surface, ready to try again.