Advice for Girls: The First Time A Father Goes to Prison

The first time your father goes to prison

Do not weep.

Do not lay in your bed wondering what you could have done.

Do not go to school the next day,

Do not go to school ever again, because before you tell your teachers,

the disapproving headnod is already forming,

an apology is gnawing at their tongues,

Do not accept it.

Do not wish him home,

                              he is better off where he is.

The second time your father goes to prison

Do not visit,

Do not believe that because you are older you can handle the barbed wire,

the guards, wandering eyes, inmate catcalls,

Do not be surprised he won’t talk to you,

he’ll claim that you’re not his blood

As if you didn’t give him all you ever had,

                        you didn’t come from his house,

you don’t share the same honey eyes

and curly black hair,

As if you are not good enough for your father’s love.

Do not let him make you cry.

Do not look at him,

you will see feigned pity and dying light.

The third time your father goes to prison

Do not love him.

Do not mourn him.

Do not let him ruin your taste in men.

You are not your father’s daughter

not a jailbird’s broken wing

not a hole in the chain-link.

You are completely separate,

a beautiful extension of everything he did not create,

a reminder of what he could have been.

Do not believe his sweet sentiments

He will lie.

He will tell you he loves you

He will lie.

He will tell you all that he wishes to make up to you

He will lie.

He will tell you that he misses you

He will lie.

Do not wish him home,

He is already there.